In Modern Terms, What is the Spiritual Malady of AA?

For me he was seeing the root of this spiritual malady, this emotional disease. In fact the Big Book gives me a good idea of the “sins” or “defects of character” I have when I have a resentment but does not explain why I have resentments in the first place. Desiring stuff seems at the root of my fear based stuff – the exquisite torture of desire which soon loses it’s so-called relish and just becomes torturous. Most of my distress and emotional pain in recovery comes from wanting stuff, and not getting my way or not accepting things as they are. I end, however, with some words from a doctor who seems to be suggesting that AA works because it makes us more emotionally healthy.

• I am aware that there are many paths to recovery- my path has been the 12-Steps.
• Those who are seeking to be the best often seek the feedback of others and are more accepting of constructive criticism and instruction, making them more agreeable in their interactions.
• There are many people who have been in your shoes and have found creative ways to work around this issue.

The list of emotional difficulties continues throughout the Big book’s first 164 pages. For me this maladjustment to life is not exactly the same as the spiritual disease mentioned in the Oxford Group pamphlet. People like us are obsessed with the thought of controlling and enjoying our drugs or alcohol. The biggest problem is that our mind buys the lie that the next time it will be different.

The Spiritual Malady: Bane of the Alcoholic and Addict

That is not to say that normal people cannot be full of sin –  a cursory look around the work and it’s events will soon confirm this is the case. What I am saying is that they do not have the emotion dysregulation or fear based responding that I seem to have which often prompts “sin”. Thankfully, the “spiritual malady” is no longer a “missing piece” of Step One for me. It is a reality of my powerlessness and unmanageability and enables me to see why I so desperately need to seek a Power Greater than myself. And unless this malady is recognized, and a course of action (the Twelve Steps) is taken to enable God to remove it, the root of our alcoholic illness can lie dormant and burn us when we least expect it. I have sought refuge from my negative emotions in alcohol, drugs and other addictive behaviours.

Many of our previous attempts to achieve sobriety failed because we did not address anything other than the physical and mental aspects of addiction. We felt that breaking physical dependence would work, or focused on a psychiatric solution. However, when we entered into a recovery model that included the spiritual, we found a solution.

The Mind is also Abnormal

This sin disease had very real psychological, emotional and physical and physiological effect on the mind and body. Sins were a contagion that mixed with the sins of others and the sins of  families, groups, societies, cultures and countries. It was a list of the negative emotions which appear always when I felt anger and resentment against someone for hurting me and my feelings. https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/alcohol-allergies-symptoms-and-signs/ Unless, we let Go and Let God and ask God to remove these negative emotions/sins/defects of character we end up in a futile increasingly distressed spiral of negative emotions. Finding out what is really going on with us emotionally is at the heart of recovery. That is why we have to constantly share how we are feeling with others so that we can find out what we are feeling.

• We have to show love and tolerance for each other as we suffer the same illness/malady.
• I was continuously, “restless, irritable and discontented” (BB “The doctor’s opinion” p. XXV111 4th edition) without alcohol.
• It shows the areas of behaviour and attitudes that can be treated by working the steps.
• It was like a emotion web that ensnared one in increasingly frustrating states of emotional distress and inappropriate responding.
• Alcoholics do not seem want stuff like normal folk, but have a pathological wanting, an all consuming need to get stuff regardless of it’s worth or value.

I had a connection with the world I could not generate myself, when sober. Alcoholics and children of alcoholics have a tendency to avoid emotions (use avoidant coping strategies) in fact and to use emotional reasoning when arguing a point. https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/what-spiritual-malady-means/ The magic of the the steps is that they seem to reveal  the patterns of behaviour that our actions have prompted over the course of our lives. It helps us see ourselves and our condition of alcoholism and how it effects us and others.

I want to find a Higher Power. How do I do this?

Other emotions are substituted to hide the shame and maintain self esteem. Anger, exaggerated pride, anxiety and helplessness are substituted to keep from feeling the total blackness of being bad. The buried shame is expressed through defense mechanisms that shield negative unconscious material from surfacing.

The book may also be sold by Intergroup/Central Offices or recovery book stores at List Price
  or slightly higher. But beware of others that sell the book marked up 400% or more. For the same money, you could buy 4 books and use 3 as sponsee gifts. One of the most important things in AA is finding a sponsor – someone who has been through the program and can help guide you through it.

Active Hope: How to Face the Mess We’re in with Unexpected Resilience & Creative Power.

It is all manipulating our interaction with others to our selfish ends. A decade of therapy also showed Bill Wilson he has two default settings in his relationship to other human beings – he either tried to dominate them or he became dependent on them for his sense of self and emotional well being. In other words, he became dependent on others, on external means for approval and elevating his self esteem. This blog is about my journey towards a life grounded in balance, gratitude, creativity, and love.

One recovering alcoholic or a group of recovering alcoholics is a power greater than oneself. I share my feelings of shame with those who know what that feels like. When I am in fear and shame the same pattern of negative reactions entrap my heart in its’ poisonous grip and I react in a way I would not choose to, if more reasonable. I related and all my negative emotions retreated to source like a evening tide on a beach.